would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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