I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
