Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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