It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
