I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
