I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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