Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
