If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
