what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
