I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
