AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
