Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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