I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
