i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
