Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
