my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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