I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Randomize
