I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
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