Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
