I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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