im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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