Whatcha textin bout Willis?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
