Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
