he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Randomize
