I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize