Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
