my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
