Ambien. No doubt about it.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
They took my balls.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
