Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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