She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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