how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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