I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
