I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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