I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
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He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
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Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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