I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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