My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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