I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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