if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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