Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
