He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Randomize
