actually, I'm a sock model
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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