Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
