i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
