That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
