You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
