We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
