got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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