If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
