I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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