Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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