I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
