I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
