She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
