some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
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Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
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I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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