he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
you had me at cake vodka
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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