it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
