The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
