How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
