its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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